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I have been close companions with a woman, a person who's faced and conquered many challenges, which I admire. Yet, she's constantly blindsided in relationships. Her husband walked away, which came as an unexpected event. Several of close acquaintances disappeared then, as they were focused solely on her husband. She was stunned by her deeply. She made greater energy to be my friend, and must have grasped more clearly what friendship was.

Ongoing Issues With Friends Drifting Away

In the time since, several close to her vanished without her being knowing the cause. Her previous job suddenly changed toward her, even though she had been an excellent employee, and she left not understanding what had changed.

How Things Stand Now

Lately, we have each stepped back from work and are seeing each other more, but I am finding the part I play in our friendship feels one-sided. I introduce discussion points only for her to redirect conversation onto what interests her. Regarding political views, she holds firm beliefs. My effort is to suggest double-checking information or other angles.

She is arranging a holiday to a country I have traveled to many times even called home for some time. I tried to provide personal experiences, but this was not welcomed. She essentially only wanted my agreement with her choices. I have come back from a month in that country she hopes to reconnect, but I don't.

Weighing the Options

I hesitate to act as a friend who cuts and runs without a word, but I don't think she'll truly grasp the impact of her behaviour on my confidence. Right now, my state is pulling back. What should I do?

Ways Forward

You could walk away, however, that approach is not often the peaceful resolution that we desire. Yet having a direct talk aiming for working things out takes courage and readiness on both your parts.

Experts suggest applying a useful conflict resolution tool:

"Initially involves describing what typically happens when you talk. Aim for this to be objective and clear and basically an unbiased account. The second involves sharing the way it leaves you feeling. Ideally, there's no dispute about this. What you feel are valid, naturally. The third step involves requesting how you are both going to change the pattern in your relationship."

Keep in mind that she also has her own side, so you need to stay open to acknowledge it. An approach that works is telling her:

"It's your turn to speak and I'm going to remain silent for half an hour."

It's wildly impactful to encourage better communication.

Key Takeaways

This person could ignore everything, as some people have a self-protecting mindset: they maintain a story about themselves they're unable to release as it feels essential depends upon it and it represents familiar to them. This poses a challenge because there's no clear path with these people, mere obstacles. However, she might at first react like this and then think about what you've said. And should you never reach a resolution, it provides closure knowing you were honest with her.