Nighttime Hosts Lampoon Trump's New 'Gold Card' Residency Plan

Late-night's leading hosts spent the broadcast ridiculing ex-President Donald Trump's just announced immigration initiative, dubbed the "Trump card," characterizing it as a clear cash-for-residency scheme for the rich.

Stephen Colbert's Sarcastic Analysis

Starting his program, Stephen Colbert offered a satirical holiday jingle about the commander-in-chief. "He's making a list, checking it twice, and then giving that list to the people at ICE," he intoned. "The President ... ruins each thing he touches."

The subject was the new initiative which allows foreign individuals to purchase U.S. residency for a sum of a million dollars, with a "platinum" option for $5 million. The program's website guarantees processing "in record time."

"A brief message for you to rich immigrants: prior to you fork over the cash, maybe think about Canada?" Colbert quipped.

He noted that the scheme is also intended to "get cash" from businesses looking to hire foreign workers, involving large payments. "That is a lot of fees, though if you sign up, you also get free accommodation at a property of your selection – as long as it's the that one hotel," he said.

"The best vetting the government has before done," said Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "that $15,000 vetting to ensure these applicants completely are eligible to be in America."

"That is important, you have to prove you're qualified to be an American," Colbert said dryly. "First question: how many burgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Scathing Critique

On his own show, Jimmy Kimmel labeled the initiative the "Get Into America Express Card."

"It's a card that will permit wealthy international individuals to live here," he said. "For a million bucks, you get legal resident status, you get a pathway to citizenship, and a president's pardon for one significant crime of your selection."

"Maybe it's time to update that inscription on the Statue of Liberty – never mind your tired masses. Give us a million bucks, you're in!" he added.

Kimmel teased the brevity of the form, saying it is "more difficult to start a Wordle account." He remarked that Trump "believes citizenship is something you can sell, like a steak."

"That's right, the best people are the rich people," Kimmel said. "It's what Jesus constantly said! Read it in the Bible. He says it's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle provided that you give the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers discussing Affordability Concerns

Elsewhere, Seth Meyers addressed Trump's declining approval ratings during economic anxiety. "The public gave Donald Trump a another term since they were upset about the economy," he said.

Recently, in a bid to address cost of living, Trump held a press conference in front of a array of food items, and reacted strangely to some cereal.

"These look great, I think I'm going to take a few of them back to my home and have a lot of fun," Trump remarked. "Like the Cheerios, I haven't seen Cheerios in a long time."

"He is so fucking weird," Meyers reacted. "What do you mean, you're going to take them home to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What's the plan with those Cheerios?"

Meyers concluded by mocking right-leaning media coverage of Trump's economic record. "Perhaps instead of complaining, you should give him a sparkling trophy similar to the one FIFA did," he joked.